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Just checking in...


So my life has been pretty boring lately. Its all just same shit new day. But i'm happy. I haven't even had my typical ups and downs and crazy mood swings. I've just been pretty mellow. No self abusive behavior. No drugs. Just James, the gym and alot of bad TV.
I think i've finally come to terms with being single and not needing someone else in my life just to get by. Granted i have met someone special, but i refuse to force anything. Just take it at all face value to avoid jealousies and all that other bullshit i dont need in my life. The best comment i've heard lately is "The only person that will never leave you is you" and that what i'm gonna live by. I need to be happy with who i am before i can be happy with someone else. But to be honest, i am pretty content with who i'm becoming.
A am thrilled that as each day goes by that the end of my porn career creeps closer. I'm questioning what is going to come next but i'm not scared. I'm actually pretty excited. The thought of having a real, steady life, is sounding better and better. I'm gonna accept it with open arms. I'm not impressed with the work that i have done so far, i'm sure in time i will be.

I guess thats all for now. Sorry i been so boring.

Have a read of this masterful (but very long) piece on the politics of food by Stan Goff over at counterpunch, Without disagreeing with him or detracting from his brilliant article, I should like to add a note of specificity.


Goff speaks only vaguely of who is responsible for the coming mass global starvation. It's an elite corporate oligarchy or something or other. I wonder at such vague descriptions. Somehow, these loose terms unite people who, one would have thought, have little in common. Certainly I understand wealthy people acting in each other's interests as an abstract thought. And yet in a discussion of 'who', I'm meant to accept that the captains of diverse industries, in diverse countries, possessed of diverse faiths, languages and cultures, and united only in their wealth, will unanimously agree to the rightness of starving to death countless millions, their own countrymen included.

Apparently, in the face of all that defines people, wealth alone is sufficient to bring all manner of people together to perpetrate a crime unparalleled in history. Am I the only person who has a problem with the likelihood of this?

See if the following doesn't make infinitely more sense. Above the corporations is international banking. This is controlled by a dozen families. They own the US Fed, the Bank of England and the reserve banks of every industrialised country in the world. Between them they have more wealth and power than all the corporations combined. The corporations are the monetary policy maidservants of the banking families. None may stand against them. If a US president opposes them he will cease to be the president. If it profits them to crash the US economy, they will crash the US economy. If the world population is something other than what suits them they will starve billions of people to death. The corporations get with the program or they... well, they just get with the program. There isn't really any choice.

Unlike the disparate wealthy corporatists, the families are perfectly and utterly united. They don't view themselves as having anything in common with the people who will starve. They don't even view them as people as such. They have a lot in common with Israel though. Israel is their country - they made it as a testament to their greatness. Rothschild, in a rare slip, couldn't help himself and put his name on the piece of paper.


For those who don't care for such lines of thought, keep an eye on the media and see if the words 'food shortage' and 'Israel' are ever uttered in the same sentence. Don't roll your eyes and mutter about Israel being a first-world nation. The US is a first world nation, isn't it? And as you read this, US food shortages have already begun. Meanwhile back in Israel, between the imperatives of portraying Jewish people as victims and the need to encourage Jewish immigration and ensure the legacy of the bankers, the latter will win. There will be no food shortages in Israel.

Never mind the Department of Homeland Security. The spooks are all over this blog like flies on stink. There's tons of 'em - various army.mil, navy.mil and even my own aph.gov.au. And these are just the ones that don't hide their identity. They either don't care if I know that they're visiting or they want me to know. Either way, I'm bloody spooked. So much so that I've wigged out and shall now spill the beans in an effort to save my skin.


I confess - I am the famous Leader of the Red Team. My mission is to destroy the United States of America. I will now lay down my plan as a testament to my self-impressed genius.

My plan is simple. It consists of two strands. I shall take control of the US money supply and the US media. With the money supply I shall control the economy and impoverish the people. With the media I shall ensure that my otherwise nonsensical 'monetary policy' is seen as an act of God. And as ever, fear will be the key.

Control of the money supply
First I shall establish a privately owned Central Bank. Certainly I shall confuse people by declaring myself 'Federal'. But this will be a ruse. I will be as 'Federal' as Fedex.

I shall achieve this coup by way of threats, bribes and blackmail. Since this bank will be in no one's interest but my own I shall operate in secrecy and have the legislation passed during the Winter recess with no one present in the congress. With this done, every American note in circulation will not be the property of the people of the US but will instead be mine and the government will have to 'borrow' it from me.

The people of America will then pay me interest for the pieces of paper I printed for the cost of the paper and ink. To pay this interest I shall force the members of Congress to introduce income tax, every penny of which will go to me. I shall impoverish the entire population of America. Can you imagine such a thing? To add insult to injury, I shall also demand collateral for these loans. The gold in Fort Knox shall be mine. If you looked up 'chutzpah' in the dictionary there is a picture of me there.

As if this wasn't enough, I shall also dictate monetary policy. The government can have Fiscal Policy. Who needs it? Like I care how crummy American roads, bridges, and hospitals are. Ha ha ha - my brief is to destroy America remember? Monetary policy is all about debt. With control of the media I shall convince Americans that debt is good and that everyone can all live like kings with new Eezy Kredit. But it's a fool's errand. Once they're in debt I will own them. A man in debt is as good as a slave. I know this sounds unlikely but you'll have to take my word for it. I'll sum it up by saying, debt equals fear, and fear is the key.

Control of the media
Me, I shall fear nothing except exposure. To this end, I shall, using my unlimited funds, control the media. The media will talk about everything but my ownership of the money supply and my ownership of the media. Don't think I won't be able to do this. I shall make such utterances the single greatest crime there is.

Certainly this silence will be crucial. But the media is capable of much more than this. Most people know nothing beyond what the media tells them. With control of the media I can point all those who might oppose me in every direction except mine. They will chase all manner of idiotic chimeras. People who haven't a snowball's chance in hell of harming America will be painted as terrible devils deserving of tremendous outlays of American blood and treasure. Madly, patriots will chase everyone from penniless, illiterate peasants in the most god-forsaken hell-holes to penniless but perfectly literate nobodies in tourist beach towns (ahem). They will attack everyone but ME, the man responsible for their impoverishment and the destruction of their country.

But even that will not be enough for me - I'm here to destroy America, so why would I wish for its people to live in peace and harmony? Racial disharmony will be first. It's as easy as a dog-whistle. Only one racial group will be immune. Mine! And that's just for starters. I shall convince American youth they are smarter than their parents and thus tear families apart. I shall promote a dog-eat-dog attitude ensuring that American society is centrifugal. I will crush community and fellow-feeling and everything that was good. Americans will know only selfishness and fear.


So! There you are! I've given the whole game away. Now it's the Blue Team's turn. It's your job to save the United States of America from the Red Team. What's your plan?

No matter where i stood, i still manage to stand.

I know i'm annoying. I know that i have more ups and downs than a see-saw. Lets just say that i have the worse case of Man-PMS known to man. But i'm fucking happy. The majority of it due to the guy that i have been seeing.
He single handedly has had my face hurting from all the smiling i have been doing. Its silly puppy love, i know, but it feels fucking good. I mean, you know maybe its to early to tell if we are completely compatiable, but the way he looks at me like he couldn't be happier to be with me is enough to have me completely hooked.
I'm not sure where this is going or if i'm even ready for another relationship just yet, cuz lets face it, i'm alot to deal with, but this is what i should be doing, taking things slow, enjoying life, having good people around me.
Hey maybe he will even distarct me enough this weekend from getting totally fucked up. I haven't tested those waters yet. I don't know if i wanna fuck up something i been enjoying so much by getting high. I guess well see how deep the hooks are set in on friday. I can actually hear the GHB in my fridge screaming to drink me. LOL. Kidding, maybe.

So on an even better note, I will be seeing the Hip Hop Group Atmosphere on sunday and i'm so fucking excited. The last time i was supposed to see them i ended up getting into a fight before the show and breaking some dudes face, spending some time in jail and fighting the court over 6 month stint behind bars.
What seemed like an eternity on probation and thousands and thousands of dollars later they are back into town and i completely intend on seeing them this time. I'll save the fighting for after the show. Motherfuckers better bring their retard helmets!

Every cell in the body is only one cell away from a nerve or from the blood supply. The complexity of the nervous system and the circulatory system (amongst others) is beyond comprehension.


When I was in high-school we learned that atoms were comprised of protons, neutrons and electrons and that these were the smallest things there were. But later we learned that these tiny particles were comprised of smaller particles and those of other smaller particles and so on. There is no end to this process.

If we wanted to measure the coastline of an island we could do so with a large map and bit of string. If we got a 100m tape-measure and measured the actual rocks at the waterline the increase in detail would be huge and the measurement would be greater. What if we measured each rock at ever decreasing molecular levels? The coastline of the island would nearly approach the infinite.


The world, the universe, everything is infinitely detailed. Nothing can ever be measured to a level of infallability. This is chaos theory. Chaos theory says that ultimately the universe is unknowable.

And my point? My point is for those who think they understand the world and are its masters. They are wrong. However great their understanding of the world (by way of human affairs) their knowledge will always be incomplete. As another metaphor, let's say your average mug-punter understands the world in round numbers and that those who imagine they are the world's masters might understand things to three decimal places. Doubtless, this impresses them. And it would impress me too if this knowledge was put to good use instead of impoverishing, enslaving and starving people. But the fact is that those metaphorical three decimal places are not enough.


A butterfly can make a thunderstorm. Were one to kill all the butterflies, sooner or later a bee would do the job. Perhaps one could employ super-computers to predict thunderstorms and spend one's life ducking and weaving to avoid this lethal force of nature. But eventually this effort too will fail. No computer, no matter how 'super', will ever accurately predict the weather.

The thunderstorm above is a metaphor for nemesis. Nemesis is the response to hubris. There is no nemesis for those nominated in the beatitudes. Were the bankers to expend their time, money and energy improving the lot of mankind, the thunderstorms they fear would be just another marvel of nature. They could grab a beer, sit on the verandah and enjoy the show - nobody's favourite pastime.


Speaking of marvels of nature, an image of a tiger fills my head. The bankers choose not to marvel at the tiger. They choose to ride it and subject it to their will. Such a hatred of nature is in the DNA of these masters of the world. But no one can ride a tiger forever. The only creature that can do so is a flea. And it might be a very clever flea too: it can direct the tiger; it can weaken the tiger and prevent it from removing the flea; and when the tiger dies it can migrate to another tiger. But it's still a flea, a flea that imagines it's greater than God. And God spare us such a self-impressed idiotic creature.

And one day the tiger will, perhaps even by accident, scrape off its flea. On a day unpredicted, a single impossible thunderstorm will come out of nowhere and, in a spirit of perfect impartiality, fulfil its role. For the first time in millennia the fourth decimal place will be the one that counts. Thinking twenty, thirty, forty moves ahead in a chess game is not enough for a world that is infinite. This is chaos theory. Not that we really needed it. The Buddha said it all thousands of years ago and he did it with five words - the only certainty is change.

Back on track...


So again, i'm sorry to leave everyone hanging, but i have just been keeping myself busy, doing absolutely nothing important.
To be honest, i tried to write something over this weekend but my brain was way to fried to do anything. It was my best friends 30th b-day so this whole weekend i was trainwreck. I think both nights i went out, i made an ass out of myself. You know its already bad enough that where ever i go, i stick out like a sore thumb, but then to stick out while stumbling all over the club or to be sitting in the corner of the place drooling on myself. I think i intentionally set out to make myself look like a pure fuck up. Almost every weekend, i question my reasoning of even going out. I tell myself, "Maybe you'll meet someone, but you know your gonna get way to fucked up to even talk with anyone,so why go?" I end up going out anyway, and the end result is always the same. I get nothing out of it. I just end up getting hit on by disgusting super fans or the scumbags that seek out the most fucked up guy in the club in hope that he will be an easy lay.
And then when i'm not that fucked up i'm told that i have an ego, that i think i'm better than everyone... funniest thing is that i don't, i'm just trying my best to fit in. Why do you think i need the drugs? It hopefully so i can relax and not be the social retard that i am normally.
Fuck it, I'm sure i'll figure it all out soon enough.

Anyway this weekend took forever because i was really waiting for today. I am supposed to hangout with this guy again (the toes curling sex guy from the previous blog) and i'm really excited. I don't have to get high or pretend around him and i feel totally comfortable. The last time we hung out, i just held him as we watched TV and i couldnt have been happier. I didn't want him to leave. You know, i'd give up every single shitty weekend just to have more boring yet happy nights like that in my life.
I sure he might actually get bored to tears tonight cuz i dont have much planned with him tonight beyond cuddling with him and trying to learn everything i can about him. To be honest i don't even know how the guy feels, and what his intentions are with me, but i hoping that they are similar mine... just taking it slow and enjoying the possibility of things going in a better direction.
Well, he just sent me a text mesaage saying how excited he is to hang out with me, the smile on my face is from ear to ear.

Here in Australia very few people have guns. People in the country who have problems with feral pigs, rabbits and foxes etc can register and possess long arms. Otherwise hand-guns, semi-automatic and automatic weapons are mythical things we see only in movies. And on the hips of cops, sure.


I understand the appeal of guns. I learned guns under my father, a thirty year military man. I've fired all sorts of long arms from pop-gun 22's through to a genuine Rhodesian elephant rifle. It weighed a ton and kicked like a motherfucker. That insane elephant rifle aside, guns are cool.

In spite of this, I have to be honest and say I like living in a country where the probability of being shot with a handgun is as close to zero as is statistically possible. The fear I sense in the US is absent here. The only fear here is of the standard sock-in-jaw variety from drunks in bars. I say all this so you might understand this foreigner who wishes to discuss American guns.

I've followed the American arguments concerning guns and gun control. The arguments from the pro-gun lobby seemed to me to run primarily on the twin strands of rights as granted in the second amendment and the fear of crime. These are American arguments. Here in Australia neither make any sense. But we're not discussing Australia.


Even in the American context I wondered at these twin points. They seemed at odds with each other. The second amendment is about something, but it ain't crime. Here is the second amendment - 'Amendment [II] A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed'. Is it just me or does this seem to be about the security of a free state by way of a well-regulated militia?

I understood a pro-gun argument based on fear of crime. How far would the gun lobby have gotten with an argument based on the security of a free state? When have Americans not been secure and free? One could argue that under the Fed they never were, but at least until recently the facade was in place. An argument pivoting on crime was the only one that made sense.

But that was then, this is now. Citizens of the United States of America - here's the question - how do you now feel about the security of your 'free' state? The very Bill of Rights we're discussing is just a goddamn piece of paper apparently. Who threatens the security of the free state? It ain't Muslims. The second amendment doesn't say who the guns were to be used against, but the framers of the constitution had just fought a war against their tyrannical rulers. Might this have contributed to them so clearly stating the value of a well regulated militia?


All of those bearers of arms, schooled in the modern mindset of 'home defence', a tyrannical government does not fear you. Singletons waiting at home to defend their property will be comfortably picked off one by one. Tyrannical rulers will only fear you if you are in a well regulated militia. If you sit at home with a gun in your hand, you're doomed.

Says this writer, (and I merely echo your own founding fathers), for your guns to be of any value you will need to form militias. You must abandon defence. You will never win a stand-up fight against the government's greater force, Blackwater included. If your home being violated is the price, so be it. Don't let the tyrants choose the battleground. Seize the initiative. Attack will be your only option - hit and run. You will need structure and you will need strategies. Military training will be of value but only by way of tactics. Current US military strategy will be a weakness - a weakness of the government. The golden rule of the militias must be - hit 'em where they ain't. It will be guerilla warfare or nothing.

And if you're wondering who to hit, may I make a humble suggestion? The first and most important target is the media. If you leave them alone they will ensure you have no support from the populace. Ho Chi Minh was right - without the people's support you will never succeed. Blow up the towers, cut the cables, win the support of your community. Your government must fear you. And you must not fear them.


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-A side-note to nutbar racists. Your founding fathers weren't fighting coloured people. Their enemies were other white men. The new tyranny will likewise be white men. Know that even in the absence of racial disharmony the government via the media will attempt to cause it. White people will be provoked, as will everyone else. You can bank on it. Don't be as stupid as the government thinks you are. Strive to find harmony with those who, like you, suffer under tyranny. Racial division will be the death of freedom and must not be tolerated.