Done filming and time to get into trouble.

Well the movie is over...

First off let me just say that i am dissapointed with Falcon and not checking over its models before they get the okay to work. (Without giving names) I had to work with a model i can only refer to as "stink dick" who's pics in the casting book seemed very promising. Well "stink dick" was nothing like what his pics offered. Kinda like a bad hook up off Manhunt (which i'm only using as a refernece and i dont have) he had shark teeth and one of the smallest ugliest and worst smelling dicks i hve ever come into contact with in my whole career in porn. Besides that he had one of those, "i just got to know you and i think we are best friends" personalities that i can barely stand to be around for about 10 mins before i start picturing ways of brutally killing you in my head.
But being a professional that i am, i just went along for the disgusting ride as long as i could before i felt like i was going to throw up. I did my best to give him a phantom blowjob during the oral part of the scene, but when the diretor started talking about rimming his ass i put my fucking foot down. I took the director aside and told him about the stink coming off this dudes cut 4 inch killer and said "Listen, if he has bad hygene in the front, you for goddamn sure know he is clueless about the backside. I will not go anywhere near it." I got my way.
Thankfully, the scene was a three way and there was a great big black dick there to have me occupy the rest of my time in the scene with. "Stink Dick" basiclly played the backround for the rest of the scene while me and the other model enjoyed each other.
But i guess the joke is on me and the other model, cuz "stink dick" still got paid. Maybe thats what i should do next movie. Just show up gross enough to make other models sick enough to throw up and still get paid at the end of the day. Maybe "Stink Dick" found a way to beat the system. HHHHHMMMMMMMMMM, joke is really on me.

Moving on....

I'm now free in LA to go crazy. I really could have really used a drink after working with "Stink Dick" but i had another scene the very next day so i had to be good. Tonight i will be going fucking nuts and each drink i will cheers to complete strangers will be deticated to that ugly penis.
But off the topic of ugly dick, I kinda like being in LA: the state with no soul. This is the land of make believe, where everyone can pretend to be much more important than the really are. And the everyone else.... a bunch of hopefull others with so many stars in there eyes that they are blinded to see that its just not gonna happen the way they imagined in there dreams. This is place is filled with so many miserable and dylusional people that i feel right at home. Except that in New York, i dont waste 15 percent of my life sitting in traffic. Its just nice to know that when i go out tonight, i can be fake as shit and know that anyone i am talking to is being just as fake as me. I dont have to feel bad about anything.
It remind me of this one time, i was here in LA and i hooked up with this guy. Kinda. I brought him back to my hotel and i passed out on him. I guess about an hour later i woke up and he was in the middle of fucking me. I was to trashed to care and just went right back to sleep. When i woke up that morning, i basically thought it was all a dream until, i found a note from him saying what a great time he had and hoped we could do it again sometime. No one cares here in LA, its just a souless creature that is always just looking for the perfect oppertunity. I could never live like these people, but at the same time it will be fun to not care for awhile.

Moving on....

I am starting to think my brother is crazy. Maybe not crazy but fucking brainwashed. He has been preaching to me about positive thinking. He has thrown a couple movies in my face that he is urging me to watch. One called "What the Bleep do we know" and the other being "The Secret". This is totally out of left field for my brother to be saying. But at the same time its something i think i should watch to help with my depression. He says it has totally helped him and i know he isn't just throwning bullshit at me since he is my best friend and brother. I am just very skeptical. Like very who talks to me says... "damn your glass of water is always half empty", in which my reply is "yes half empty and has a crack along the side that is leaking". I also can't help to think an Oprah book is not going to help me.