Holy Shit, a new blog....


Yeah well, believe it or not i been pretty happy. My complaining has been fairly minimal and as i'm preparing myself to move my life in a completely different direction, i'm actually optimistic. This frame of mind seems kinda misplaced , since i can barely sleep lately due to the worse anxiety and panic attacks i have ever experienced and since watching the movie Zeitgeist, it has made me feel like life is absolutely worthless, but fuck it, i'm just gonna do this life one day at a time.

Anyways, that was a mouthful so i will explain,
I have said it alot and think its about time to move my ass out of the city,i have over analyzed the downsides from all angles and i'm still prepared to just throw myself out there and hope for the best. I have begun to disconnect from the terrible world i created for myself. Its kinda weird at times but honestly it feels like a weight has been lifted, i feel cleansed. I quit David Barton, NYC's super gay night club of a gym. My Myspace is gone, my facebook, that twitter thing i had for all a couple days, all gone. This is all i'm gonna give you people, and everything else is going to my bf. You know, as young as he is, he has given me some great advice and the majority of what i'm saying has been influenced by him but ultimately i have made the choices on my own... i'm tired of just giving myself away on all these sights. I'm tired of people invading my life through different platforms that i allow.
Aren't we most intrigued about people who dont give it all away?
Now every asshole on the planet thinks its cool to twitter and tell you every move they make down to the last time they took a shit, well fuck that. It's not cool. Jesus , on that thing you can learn to hate someone without ever meeting them. Its like an annoying roomate who feels they need to tell you everything they do like, "i'm going to the gym, i'm gonna take a shower, i'm gonna get something to eat" until you can only think to yourself, "please stop talking unless its to tell me your gonna drop dead." I don't need another outlet to let people judge me either, like this isnt enough. Just like the song says, this blog has stripped me down to the bone.

Moving on...
My Anxiety...jesus i have no clue whats going on, i think its my body finally telling me "i have had enough, your killing me". During the day its easy to distract, but at night when i'm about to go to bed, i start to freak out. I feel like i'm not breathing, and if its not that, i keep thinking i'm gonna die in my sleep. Then i take pills, and then i start freaking out more, thinking they are what is keeping me awake. Almost everynight i pace my apartment, i stare at myself in the mirror in my bathroom, and i watch the sunrise. I'm not sure when i fall asleep, but i tend to wake up around 2 each afternoon. Its pathetic. I hope this goes away soon.

Zeitgeist: Holy shit is all i can say. This movie finally makes it all make sense.